i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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