I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
