16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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