I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
