Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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