I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
