how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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