I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize