For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
