i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
