I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
