tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
