the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize