i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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