Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
