the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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