did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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