I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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