I wanna bring you to show and tell
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
