a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
