mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
