Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
