Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
