hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
