I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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