come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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