he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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