I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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