I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
