Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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