The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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