Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Someone signed my nipple.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
