Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
