For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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