is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
worst night to have a conscience
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
