You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sorry about my life...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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