Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
