I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
