That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
