I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
