if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
