As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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