these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
