My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
