Already got asked if we're dating
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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