scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
