Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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