Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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