Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize