You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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