People in love make me want to vomit
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
