Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
