You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
