all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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