I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
