Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
either way he was missing a nipple.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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