sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
