does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
