No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
