bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
