Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
