Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
