You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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