I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
