you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Randomize
