just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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