She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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