Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Moan for me like Helen Keller
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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