OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
