I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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