Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
