it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
