Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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