just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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