the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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