1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
