I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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