i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
