the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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