Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
