It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
