we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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