so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
