U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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