he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
