Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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