yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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