Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
